Entrenched
I can think of few things more heartrending than wanting
good for someone else who refuses to pursue or accept it. Moms are well-acquainted with this distress. There is the relatively mild version: coaxing your toddler to eat his vegetables--or to eat
anything. There is also the excruciating
extreme: watching
your child slip away by degrees into the oblivion of depression, drugs, or countless
other forms of self-destruction.
God, too, aches for his children.
Mom, remember that little mouth clamped shut in a straight
line, impenetrable by carrot, pea, or airplane?
Remember those fists clenched hip level, those shoulders a
bulwark, that jaw set like concrete, those sparkly blue eyes turned to flat, bitter
flint?
Mom, remember begging, "Look at me!"? (And he wouldn't?)
Remember actually going to your knees? (Who have I become?)
Remember wondering if anyone was watching? (Anyone at all?)
Remember that day you lay on the floor wanting to die,
asking to die, because the choking darkness was clawing at the back of your
neck, wrapping around, filling your mouth and throat?
When you stood up, because you finally did, how did you fill
the gaping, malignant void? With
substance, sharpness, screen, or sleep? With
bravado? With emotion? With rage, hilarity, company, or work?
Or, when you finally raised your face to the ceiling, did
you see the faintest pinprick of light and lock onto it with every fiber,
knowing it--beyond a shred of reason--to be Salvation?
The heart of stone.
The heart of flesh.
The heart of God for those entrenched.
The flame that draws and warms and frees and sheds the
pinprick of light that is all you need, all you're asking--just that one elusive
yes amid a swarm of brilliant, black nos.
If you just focus on it, calm your breaths and name it Real,
it swells to dawn and daylight.
That is the grace and mercy of God.
That is Jesus.
He sees your numbness and your pain.
He knows that question you won't let yourself ask.
He loves you through your very public and very private cursing.
He lowers himself to where you are so you can lock on to him.
He longs to lift your head, feed you, and fill you.
He goes to great lengths to reach you, chip around your concrete feet, and pluck you out of the depression you may or may not have dug deliberately.
Isaiah 8:19 - 9:7
When someone tells you to consult
mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of
their God? Why consult the dead on
behalf of the living? Consult God’s
instruction and the testimony of warning. If anyone does not speak according to this
word, they have no light of dawn.
Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land; when they are
famished, they will become enraged and, looking upward, will curse their king
and their God. Then they will look
toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they
will be thrust into utter darkness.
Nevertheless, there will be no more
gloom for those who were in distress. In
the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the
future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the
Jordan—
The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep
darkness
a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as warriors rejoice
when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior’s boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and
peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the Lord Almighty
will accomplish this.
"How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen
gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing." --Matthew 23:37
Oh, Child, look up.
Look up in the middle of your roaming.
Look up and do not curse.
Look up and call me Real.
Look up and stand still and breathe while I melt you and free
you and feed you.
Look up from your trench.
Unclench.
I want your best.
I love you.
ErinRMS 8/15/14
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